Though another rose-and-chocolate-scented Valentine’s Day has just passed us by, love remains in the air — and by that, of course, we mean our love for all things heavy.
Few things in life remain as stimulating as seeing a band up-close and personal. Live shows give us the chance to see our favorite artists sweating through a catalog of favorites, and likewise in the presence of a bunch of other adoring fans. What can make the feeling even more special, however, is sharing that experience with someone special.
So, we asked Revolver readers to vote on the acts best suited to bring a date to. Be they from metal’s past or present, these were the top five that made you all goo-goo-eyed.
TOOL
Halestorm vocalist-guitarist Lzzy Hale famously dumped a dude that fell asleep during their date at a TOOL show. That seemed to be a double dealbreaker — firstly for snoozing into oblivion while sitting beside the future Halestorm shredder, and secondly for doing this during a set from one of alt-metal’s most consistently entrancing acts.
TOOL may not be the most obvious pick for a Valentine’s concert pick, but you could argue that the most thundering, progressively erratic Danny Carey beats speak to the unpredictable thump your crush flutters into your heart.
And though the approaches can differ wildly, there is somewhat of a relationship theme bonded to the TOOL catalog, too — there’s a romance-heavy feel to folks breathing “in union” on “Jambi,” for instance, while vocalist Maynard James Keenan himself recently noted that their beautifully arranged “4°” revolves around a dumb “butt sex joke.”
Type O Negative
Would that we still could, but we definitely agree with the clutch of Revolver readers that suggested a Type O show would lead to some serious in-concert swooning.
Peter Steele possessed a heart-and-girder-melting baritone like no other, and the late Type O vocalist-bassist put it to good use across passion-stricken gloom anthems like October Rust’s “Love You to Death” and devotional goth-outs like “Be My Druidess.” The onetime Playgirl model also got plenty picante while propositioning threesomes (“My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend”) or quenching his thirst beneath a “Wolf Moon.”
This is all to say, Type O’s legendary goth metal is a perfect match for curious lovers walking a velvet onyx path towards the dark side.
GWAR
This honestly may be a gag vote (and, boy, do we mean gag), but it seems like few metal bands get our readers’ juices flowing quite like gross-out artists GWAR.
Sure, the Scumdogs’ infamous stage show contains crass humor, mock-beheadings and enough fake blood to fill an Olympic-size swimming pool. And you’re bound to get an exotic eye-full of cuttlefish. But it’s also entertaining as hell.
If you don’t dress for the occasion, your date-night outfits will inevitably get stained by bodily fluids flinging out of any number of onstage orifices, but you’re definitely going to have a night to remember.
Gojira
Pedants may argue that Gojira technically only have one “Love” song — and that’d be the tune of the same name that popped up on 2001’s Terra Incognita. But the French metal favorites can fill arenas with passionately pounding prog-metal performances full of heavy pyro, so it’s fair to suggest coupled-up concertgoers could get all hot-and-bothered by anything the quartet play.
From rumblingly ear-cocking beats, to primal growls, to heart-pumping melodies, Gojira’s songbook is filled with the heaviest matter of the universe, and it’s been adored by many around the globe — including our readers.
Deftones
We’ve established across numerous Revolver fan polls that heavy music doesn’t get much more sensual than the sound of Chino Moreno melodically moaning along to Deftones’ shoegazing and swoon-worthy brand of alt-metal. And sure enough, the group have been crowned the best band to take your sweetie to on date night.
Take your pick for the steamiest possible setlist entry: the wave-riding “Sextape,” the skin-flick-filming “You’ve Seen the Butcher,” the electro-stimulating “Digital Bath,” private music’s more recent ride-or-die anthem, “souvenir.”
No matter what they lunge into, Deftones are gonna make you and your date sweat.